Re-Entry Shock

"It is easy to assume that your returning to your home community and natural family will be more or less problem-free. After all, you are returning to your native culture, to a place where you speak the language fluently and have family members and trusted friends awaiting your arrival. But the fact is that (a) the greater the cultural differences (b) the longer time spent in your host country and (c) the more well adjusted you became while there, the greater the chances that reverse shock will cause difficulties for you.

1. returnees almost always think that with their return home will be free of problems (if they think about it at all). This is almost never the case. Consequently, in addition to having to deal with the problems of re-entry, they also must accept the hash fact that they were either mistaken or unaware of the difficulties and therefore unprepared to face these difficulties of re-entry.

2. Returnees almost always have changed and matured in numerous ways during their experience abroad. They have grown enormously in self-assurance, in their need for independence and respect, and in their knowledge about worldly ideas. The friends and family members whom they meet upon return do not fully realize this: they treat the returnee as though hs/she were the same as the day he/she left.

3. Returnees find that they are sharply aware of many features of their home culture and environment they have previously never noticed, or at least never questioned. Becoming suddenly and acutely aware of so many things that were previously taken for granted is not a seriously problem: the problem is the returnee often feels critical of many of these things. The criticism is usually expressed to old friends and family members, who in turn become annoyed with the "negative attitude" of the returnee. Even if the returnee manages to keep her criticisms to herself, she is disturbed to find herself feeling negative about people and events in the place she calls home.

4. Returnees usually come home bursting with stories, ideas, facts, and all kinds of interesting things to tell anyone who will listen. What they find however is that almost everyone they talk to either (a) will not listen or (b) listens politely but simply cannot comprehend the richness and detail of the returnee's experiences. These behaviors may be a cause of considerable annoyance. However, the empathetic returnee will keep in mind that little more than half a year prior, she might have had similar attitudes toward a returning traveler.

5. Finally, returnees bring back with them many new values, attitudes and patterns of behavior. Their new patterns tend to be most sharply different with respect to those who they feel closest and love most dearly. This particular change occurs because in their host community they became attached to a few special people and learned how to behave toward these people according to the patterns characteristic of the host culture. Upon coming home, the returnee encounters people whom she also loves and immediately begins interacting with them as she learned to interact with loved ones in the host culture. In many cases however, the old friends and the family members are bewildered and possibly even offended by this strange behavior. They, in turn, begin to act a little strangely toward the returnee and thus the seeds of misunderstanding are sown.

What can you do to minimize these and similar problems regarding your own homecoming? Here are two suggestions:

-Try not to have false expectations about returning home. Don't expect it to be free of problems
-As soon as it is practical after your return to your home community, get in touch with someone who has had an experience similar to yours. An AFS returnee would be ideal but someone who has lived abroad would work too. Arrange to get together with this person on two or thee occasions and when you do, talk together about your experiences away from home and about your feelings and problems upon returning.

Have a good journey
--"The AFS STUDENT STUDY GUIDE"--"